A Pirate's Thank You

Normally, a good pirate would thank you by not sinking your ship, or sparing your next of kin and only burning down your house. We decided to offer a New Age, kinder, gentler pirate thank you in the form of a page on our blog.

As background, Amie has been card-carrying member of the Madison Extreme Cross Stitch Team since 1998. They meet monthly to solidify their next steps on how to dominate politics and commerce, or at least knock over Lynn's and Stitcher's Crossing. I'm convinced the Floss Fondlers are acting as a shadow government, and that they have several safety deposit boxes with pictures of Governor Doyle, Speaker Gard, and Senate Majority Leader Schultz in compromising positions. Regardless, the Stitchers United for Peace and the Flat Tax are a force for good and/or evil, depending on which way the needle pierces and the color of your floss.

On the fateful date that Amie announced to the collective that she was giving birth, I made a simple request of the Pattern Pounders. A Cross Stitch Cult member is presented with a joint project upon the birth of her first child. Knowing this, and in an attempt to nurture that little bit of naughty in each of us and in Lucie, I asked for one thing - pirates. When I made the request, the room fell deathly silent. Ostensibly, their confusion was because they weren't sure a pirate theme was infant-friendly...particularly girl-flavored infant friendly. My theory is that the Stitchers were scared I'd discovered their true nature. It was also clear that while alphabets, barnyard animals, jungle beasts, and puppy dogs were all acceptable cross stitch content, pirates were "personas non gratas." The Scurvy Stitchers were pirataphobic.

For months, I staked out local watering holes and craft stores to see if they would fulfill my request and reveal their true nature. They were either too crafty (pun intended) or I too obvious a misfit hanging about asking questions like "should I use linen for this pattern?" Regardless, I saw not a Needle Wielder with eye patch nor sword. I feared they had heard my wants and decided me unworthy. I would have puppy dogs and like it or I'd have nothing at all.

But I was mistaken. The Cosmic Crossers not only erased all suspicion of nefarious intent, but made clear they are gifted with karmic cross stitch. As seen in these photos, they made Lucie a beautiful set of barn yard scenes. While I was confused why the cow says "moo" and not "woof" (which is what a cow says in our house), the pieces fit beautifully with Lucie's room. In addition, Lucie has already decided that they are ready to come off the walls and into her mouth. We had to make clear to Lucie - as Amie has to me on more than one occassion - that cross stitch shouldn't be touched, caressed, or nibbled upon. Cross stitch is for decoration, and Lucie's room lit up and felt complete as soon as the pieces were on the walls.

But the beauty and decoration of the barnyard scenes were also balanced with - you guessed it - pirates. And not only did the Celestial Stitchers balance the content, they balanced purpose. While the barnyard scenes were clearly the realm of decoration, heirloom, and fine craft, the pirates were for all things, well, piraty. Burp clothes for all forms of mucous and regurgitation. Washclothes to remove the dirt, grime, and unseemly messes that hide our princess just below the surface. The karmic balance was perfect. Decoration and functionality. Barnyard scenes and blood-thirsty pirates. To top it off, the Wild Women of X mixed and matched patterns. To the uninitiated, that may seem a trivial fact. To the cross stitch afficionado, it is masterpiece.

In all seriousness, Lucie's barnyard and pirate cross stitches will follow her throughout her days and she (and her parents) will cherish them. In a very real sense, Lucie's cross stitches are a gift made of life and friendship held together by thread and cloth. We are humbled by the pieces and the time and thought you all put into them. Long live the Cross Stitch Underground and thank you.